Change, it was a difficult thing to do. Changing something or someone that caused me pain is hard. It was like changing the word "love" to "hate" and I don't want it. But something should change, not everything and anything should stay the same. At first, yes I questioned myself "is it even worth changing something I love?" but as time goes by I realized, changing is not a bad thing, it's just like meeting or engaging with new things and forgetting the unhealthy things in the past. I start changing, not because i want it, but because I need it. It was no hassle, i just take my time and enjoyed the process.
I once loss a friend that thought me something in me that I should start changing. Not every time I will be kind, but will try to see and understand the situation whether I need to stand for myself or just be kind and just let it go. I admit, being kind was hard, I was bullied for years, I had experience different kind of harassment because I didn't do anything about it and just let them do it to me. Everyone told me that I should start standing up for myself, but i was too scared to do it. But, anyways I am trying, despite my fear of hurting someone's feelings, sometimes I need to do it also for my sake and for their sake. I am not blaming them but I also need them to know that I was hurt for them to realize what they did and simply say "sorry". That friend was so close to me, but betrayed me, and it also taught me not to trust everyone around me, but I was too naive to do that and just let myself trust everyone, i just let them handle my trust, whether they're gonna break it or not.
No comments:
Post a Comment