Chapter IV: Survived

 Chapter 4; almost done. 

Virago; A Chance To Heal

you are not studying to pass the exam... you're studying for the day when you are the only thing between the patient and the grave. 

10 years...thinking what am I gonna be. Looking back from now, I was a small little girl, who wanted to be an engineer, but as time passes, I once watched a K-drama entitled "Romantic Doctor" and as a child, of course, I'm "uto-uto", thinking that they're real doctors, and they were the reason why I want to be a doctor. Watching them save lives, not thinking twice to help others, and giving care to others, it's just amazing. And from that moment on, I realized, I want to be a Doctor, and my love for medicine starts from that moment (that is why I have many illnesses. eme). But I'm still thinking, am I gonna be a successful and good doctor? Can I do it? Do I have the courage to achieve it? Knowing that I'm scared of blood, for now, I don't think I can do it, I don't think I can manage it. But I know as time passes, I will be able to overcome my fear. 

10 years from now. I can see myself, inside the hospital, doing my job as a doctor, saving someone's life, helping others to heal their diseases, and of course, patiently dealing with rude patients.  One thing I also want to fulfill after being a successful doctor is to help myself, I have plenty of illnesses and I didn't know what to put first without making the other one worse. It's just like I'm choosing to live a healthy life but it just got worse and worse and I don't know what should I do anymore, so 10 years from now, I can be able to help heal myself while also healing others.

Being a doctor is hard, knowing that someday, someone's life will be in your hands. But, Everything is a choice, and I know I will always be choosing to save lives, I will either find a way, or I will make one.

Fixing Myself; Changing Me

Change, it was a difficult thing to do. Changing something or someone that caused me pain is hard. It was like changing the word "love" to "hate" and I don't want it. But something should change, not everything and anything should stay the same. At first, yes I questioned myself "is it even worth changing something I love?" but as time goes by I realized, changing is not a bad thing, it's just like meeting or engaging with new things and forgetting the unhealthy things in the past. I start changing, not because i want it, but because I need it. It was no hassle, i just take my time and enjoyed the process.

I once loss a friend that thought me something in me that I should start changing. Not every time I will be kind, but will try to see and understand the situation whether I need to stand for myself or just be kind and just let it go. I admit, being kind was hard, I was bullied for years, I had experience different kind of harassment  because I didn't do anything about it and just let them do it to me. Everyone told me that I should start standing up for myself, but i was too scared to do it. But, anyways I am trying, despite my fear of hurting someone's feelings, sometimes I need to do it also for my sake and for their sake. I am not blaming them but I also need them to know that I was hurt for them to realize what they did and simply say "sorry". That friend was so close to me, but betrayed me, and it also taught me not to trust everyone around me, but I was too naive to do that and just let myself trust everyone, i just let them handle my trust, whether they're gonna break it or not.  

Mother's Sacrifice

Mothers are the one who gives birth to us, taking care of us, supporting us and giving us unconditional love. Without them, there's no light in our life, without their guide we can't be in the correct path. But not everyone do their part as a mother–not every children receive the motherly love from their own mother. 

After 9 years of sacrificing, the day has finally come, after 9 years we finally celebrated mother's day, with my mother here. I don't really know if I'm happy or not, but one thing I know, I'm thankful, I'm thankful cause she chooses to come back and rest for a while, I'm glad she thought of resting after years of restraining herself, her energy every single day on the other country. Although we don't get along well, even though she can't see my hard works and efforts, even though she's always telling me that i do nothing if i come home tired from school because studying is nothing to her cause the way she managed to study back then was harder than mine and she only care about the results, not my efforts, and after all of that I still appreciate all her hard works and efforts for us, I love her, although she treated me differently to my siblings. 

We celebrated Mother's Day with some of my tita's from mother side and my two grandmothers from both sides. It was fun, I felt like celebrating mother's day with them cause they treat me like their own child more than my mother do. I'm always thankful I have them, I somehow feel the love of a mother. My tita calling me "bunso ko" "anak ko" and sometimes their compliments makes me cry, i love the sound of them calling me like that. It feels so nice, and that tita plans on adopting me, since mama suggested it to her. I couldn't be happier but I can't also leave my siblings and family here.

Labour Day

 Every year, on May 1, Philippines celebrates Labor Day. Labor day is an annual holiday  to celebrate the achievements of workers. For other countries, Labor Day is celebrated on a different date. On April 21st 1856, stonemasons  in Melbourne, Australia protested what they deemed were untenable labor conditions. And the idea of celebrating Labor Day comes from the Labor Union Movement in the United States in the 19th Century. On the 1st day of May in 1886, the two lakh workers called for a nationwide strike demanding an eight-hour workday.  \

In the Philppines, it is known as "Araw ng mga Manggagawa". On May 1, 1903, the first labor day celebration in the Philippines took place. It was organizd  by the Union Obrera Democratica de Filipinas, the first labor federation in the country. People in the Philippines rest, relax and spend  their day with their family and friends. 

Chapter III: Still Going

Third quarter is over, I am heading to the last chapter of my junior high school life. It was getting harder and harder than what I expected. Actually, I never expect it to be that hard when it's fourth quarter already, but with this kind of physical situation, I don't think it would be easy for me to cope-up with my studies. But throughout this journey, I learned a lot from our first period in science and last period which is ict. 

In this quarter, I have been through my ups and downs, I have been struggling and suffering, but I also have been happy and contented on the outcome of my performances. I had been stress eating, I eat so much while reviewing. I found new talent, and is going to my old athletic self again. And in this quarter, I have loss someone in my life and I have gained someone who is true, I never regret losing that person though, but it was really a tough choice, the guilt is still here although I'm not the one who's in wrong, I just did it for me, for us anyways. But still I am thankful he was once a good friend to me, for the meantime, I felt her love and care towards me.  I am really a soft person that is why it's hard for me to let go of our friendship, but considering what had happened, it's not worth fighting for, it's not worth giving a chance anymore. 

But after all of this, I still can't escape my real battle, that is my physical health issues. I feel so sorry for myself, especially this quarter, I have stressed and worked myself to the point where I can't anymore. I feel sorry for tiring myself this much but what can i do? I am an student, and I need to do my responsibilities as a student, but sometimes, real hard situations aren't understood, they care more about grades, but what about our mental health and emotional health. We're being fragile and fragile to what things are happening, and we cant't afford another mental breakdown. 

Heavenly Feelings

heavenly memories