Unforgettable Feeling

Your heart knows the way. 

Run in that direction.

But I can't...

Spending my Valentine's along with my friends, how nice. No cringe things, just bitter. It was sort of boring, but it was also fun. No toxic relationship with someone, just an interesting relationship with myself. Because valentines day is not just for couples or the chasing phase, it's also about the love you have for your family, friends, and especially yourself. Don't ever forget that you always have yourself to love, because before loving someone else, you should know how to love yourself, you should know your real worth and how should someone treat you. I can't say that I should know the reason why I want to be with someone (in the future) cause falling in love doesn't even need a single reason, it just comes naturally. And sadly, I don't feel that so-called "love". People always call me "manhid" for not having a feeling for someone or even a single crush. Oh well, I was caught up with my trauma when I was just a child that's just made me struggle a bit with feeling love cause fear always wins.

 But little did they know I'm trying and trying and trying, and finally, I did it, I finally know the feeling of liking someone. But liking that someone was a bit of another painful experience for me. That someone was never mine, so of course I don't have the right to feel the pain, but yeah it was also part of love. And I'm happy to say that I finally let go of my feelings even before valentines day and accepted my fate HAHAHA. And yes, I might let go of that feeling, but not the person, of course, feelings just change, but memories don't. I don't want to ruin everything just for the stupid feelings I have. And yes I'm back to my manhid phase. 

But of course, I don't hide my feelings, I was just struggling of expressing them and never want to say those feelings inside me. It's up to the people how they understand me. (They may see me act clingy and sometimes abusive to my friends, and I know they think I and that person have something between us, but it's just the way how I tell someone that I am much more comfortable with them than with others. You may sometimes see me all quiet and alone, well that just explains that I am not comfortable with my environment. And if sometimes you will see me as a loud and cheerful person, that means I am getting comfortable at that moment. I just hope that this helps someone to understand how I express my feelings so that they won't misunderstand me.)