Pura Vida

leaving 2022... 

Celebrating and welcoming 2023, how nice, but something feels off. There's someone I've always wanted to be with, my mother, there's something I always wanted to feel, excitement, there's always that something that was always with me, illness. How fun it is celebrating with your whole family, or having a family reunion. How exciting it is, to play games with your siblings, cousins, and also to your aunts/uncles, or even grandparents. How happy it is to eat together at a long table while laughing, sharing your thoughts together, opening up with each other, and even being there for each other. And even in times of crisis, they can be able to smile because their family is complete, they're together, and that's something I've long wanted, and I'm always waiting for my mother to come home to us after years of working hard for us in another country, I miss her, but I don't have the courage to tell her.

 2023, new year, but no new me. I don't want to create a newer version of me, because there were people who know me most and accept me with all my flaws and I don't want them to accept another me, I don't want someone adjusting because I'd change. And actually, I want to be the old me, the older version of me, where I didn't know the word insecurity, where I didn't know the word jealous, where I didn't know the word pressure, where I can communicate comfortably and where I didn't know how painful the world was. 

But please, 2023 be good for me. I don't want to make the same mistakes I did last year. I don't want to experience those painful things I experienced last year. I want to do something that my heart really desires and experience and feel the love and freedom I deserve, I don't want to live my life with regrets.